After all of the wonderful comments that I received on my thinking post, I found myself thinking even more.
One of the wisest people I know as frequently told me that motive is more important than we realize. She comes to this from a recovery point of view. Addicts must ask themselves what it the motive for participating in their addictive behavior in that moment.
What I take from that comes from a very Buddhist point of view. In Buddhism we know that the way to escape suffering is to follow the Noble 8-fold Path. The second step is Right Intention. I see this as motive. What is my Intention or my Motive in the actions I am about to engage in.
How this relates to inner and personal peace is the peace that comes from being able to TRULY check your motives. It is easy to superficially say "I want that to say these mean words to K because it will help her see her errors. I am doing it for her". But if your actions are meant to help in a true sense, there is always a way to make them not hurt. ALWAYS.
Part of understanding our own motives is understanding that we cannot be responsible for someone else's motives. Only the person acting is responsible for their actions. And only the person reacting is responsible for the reaction.
Because that inner peace comes from personal responsibility as well as deep introspection.