In a time of contemplation

There is a lot going on here. So this post will be a bit on the rambling side. 

In March my aunt passed away. It was a blow to most of the family. My mother lost her best friend. I lost a mentor (no one taught me disco like that woman). Her son lost his family. 

It sent me down a road of contemplation. Because when we rallied around family, we paid a price. My son lost his job because his boss felt he was lying. There were other things that were "repercussions" of our choice to be with family in a time of need. And ever since we got back I've been thinking a great deal on the word community. 

I don't have one. Not really. I don't belong to a church, I don't have clubs, I can't do the soccer mom thing. It used to be that we would gather at a friends house and whoever showed up showed up. We had a sort of revolving door of people who would come and share as was comfortable for them. 

I did some research yesterday. There are no community centers in my neighborhood. (7 churches on a two mile stretch of road, but that was just incidental). None. They are across town. Just down the street from me is a low income house/apartment complex, and just down the street from that a retirement center. Two groups that would benefit deeply from a community center. Just a place where we can meet out of the rain. And NOT pay a fortune for coffee. A place where Joe Public can have an idea and share it. A place where he can pay a small fee for classroom space and teach it. 

I just feel lost, adrift. 

There is a part of me that really wants to get back to what this blog was... all about my adventures crafting. I am finding that when I let myself I am pretty clever. But that negative voice that lives in my head, says if I focus on one thing (crafting) I will need to give up the tea business. Only it isn't giving up a business. A business does something. The tea business has done nothing. (Except give a whole lot of free samples). It may be time to put it away for awhile. That feels crushing somehow. 

I don't have answers today. I won't have them tomorrow. I hope to have them in the next 6 weeks.

Spring is here

This is a Random Grave: I think this was one of the prettiest stones I saw. The rain on the flowers was amazing

There are flowers all over the neighborhood and most of the neighbors are out in their yards today. I am sitting at my computer working on my book. And doing laundry. You have to work when the inspiration hits, right?

My book is a little something I like to call verbal vomit. There is a plot and I work really hard on it. BUt I only seem to work on it when I am under extreme stress. I use the writing to find a way for my subconcious mind to work out what ever problems I seem to be having. And generally speaking it seems to work for me.

Lately I have been thinking that $60,000 question: what would I do (work wise) if money were no object? The answer seems to be, I think I would love to open an art center. I love the idea of finding a way to make studio space available to more artists. Additionally, I love the idea of a gallery to show, and sell. Better networking, community, something that isn't cliquey or exclusive. I would love to have a place where artists (even those who have no intention of becoming "professional") can find support and instruction.

Following that train of thought, I wondered if a group of artists could work like a book club. Sort of a "here is what I have done this week, what have you done". I have been trying to find out if there is anything like that here, but have been so far unsuccessful. I think my over all goal is to find a group of welcoming, non-judgemental peers who will help focus and inspire. If any of you know of anything like that or are a part of anything like that, let me know. I would love to hear how it works, or even if it is working for you.

Peace
K

There is so much I should be doing...

So, of course, I am procrastinating. In my defense, I would like to point out that I did something to my back and/or my hip and am having trouble with pain. I can't seem to sit for long periods of time, or stand for that matter. Makes any of the work I do hard to do.
I did sketch some the last couple of days. And I have to say I am very pleased with one of them. If I manage to finish it I will post it. I have the very last things to finish up on the girls Valentines.

I have written a couple of things in the last couple of days. I seem to go in cycles. I am either writing like a mad woman, or painting or sewing. I have been working on a novel for several years. I refer to it as my literary vomit. When I am really stressed, out will come huge chunks of the book. When I am not writing at it, I am fiddling with character notes, timelines, and the like. I doubt this novel will ever see the light of day. But I do intend to finish it. I will find a realy great line, or paragragh or idea hiding in my head. And those usually turn out to be the changing pieces. Pieces that make the other pieces make sense. My poetry is a lot like that as well. I collect visual images in my head and in my memory and store them until I find a use for them. Sometimes that use is in another visual medium, and sometimes it is in writing.

On a Sunset:

fire night sky

from parapet spied

lights thoughts afire

flame up fast, bright, hot

then fade, deepen to night sky

Kristen Fadich

I wrote this at the change of the seasons, between summer and fall. Not really sure why it struck me at that time. But that is the way my work is. I am inspired by something. I get a random IDEA and from there I either need to see if I can reproduce on my own what I have seen, or get the idea out of my head.

I spoke to a friend on my this week and we are both of the attitude that we are searching for who we. And we both feel like we are looking at the world with a somewhat fractured world view. I would really like to hear your descriptions of a fractured world view. Please leave them in the comments section.

Peace

K