Crazymakers

Last year or so, when I was trying to heal from several psychological and emotional injuries, I began reading a great book. I know that I have mentioned it in the past. The Artist Way by Julia Cameron. It spoke in clear tones and words about the things that can hold you back creatively, including listening to the negatives that we tell ourselves, not giving ourselves time, and not trusting.

But what spoke to me in that moment, in that place was the chapter on “crazymakers”. Her term seemed to clarify every thing that I was thinking and feeling, but that I was struggling to express. For me, it was the people who were engaging in toxic behaviors (or at least toxic to me behaviors) that were the biggest stumbling block in my moving forward with my life, and they had bee for quite sometime. We all have crazymakers, to varying degrees.

Well, this was brought right back to me this week. I had thought that I had either gotten rid of all of my crazymakers, or at least made it very clear that I was no longer able to allow those destructive behaviors to be a part of my life. I was getting really good at say “I am sorry, but this is not something I deal with”. But this week (and the week or two before) there has been a run of what can only be called “Look at me, Look at me, so I can tell you not to look at me” behavior. And then I remember what the book said. She talks about how crazymakers have a freakishly innate sense of when you are done with them. When you get to the point when you no longer need them or their drama. And your being done, and relatively healthy, they pop up and demand that you take them back. Because, your new reality, that healthier reality will either cut them out of your life, or force them to change their behavior. And sure enough, the last several weeks have been spent dealing with people who are only happy when others around them are in complete chaos.

So let's view this post as sort of declaration. I will no longer tolerate crazy destructive behavior that is targeted at me. I will expect that the people I deal with respect me, and respect my boundaries. My reality is just as valid and my time is just as important as anyon elses. I will not tolerate lies and half truths as they serve not purpose to the bigger picture (any ones bigger picture). I will happily support those around me who wish to deal honestly and with respect. But I will be through with those who cannot.
Blessings and peace in dealing with your crazymakers.
k